Food Bloggers

Courtesy of Guest Hater: Hatebert

News flash to food bloggers: Nobody gives a flying fuck about what you had for breakfast. I don't care if your parents loved you and put your crappy macaroni art on the refrigerator when you were in kindergarten. Let's be honest here, your life is an empty boring farce of an existence, you have terrible taste in food and your pictures are even worse. Okay, maybe not the first but definitely the second and third.

Maybe it was cute when you got your first digital camera and took a couple pictures of what you ate but you're mistaking waning patience for praise. Now you're just holding up your former friends from eating. Remember that idea? Eating? The reason that they all came to a restaurant? Isn't the food and company enough for you? Or do you really have to be the center of attention, putting yourself in the way of everyone else's enjoyment so you can take 20 ill framed and out of focus pictures of each dish for your 6 readers? Who's life by the by is even sadder than your's if they're living vicariously though your blog. The rest of us waiting to eat are ready to shove that camera down your throat. You're not only a horrible photographer but a horrible friend too. That goes double for those of you with a dslr that costs more than your meal and triple if you're carrying a separate macro lens.

The only thing more pathetic than a food blogger taking photos in a restaurant is one doing it at home. Just because you bought the French Laundry Cookbook doesn't make you Thomas fucking Keller. Your candy ass attempt at reproducing his food with low fat no sodium I Can't Believe It's Not Butter is insulting to what he really does. Take a hint from the pros. You don't see chefs taking pictures of every splooge on a plate and subjecting the world to it in blog form. It's just food.

Here's the bottom line. You don't really care about food. What's the furthest you're willing travel for food every day? The percentage of your income you're willing to spend on it? The amount of time you're willing to spend to source an ingredient? How many sleepless nights have you spent up obsessing over the smallest detail on a dish? If you really cared about food you would quit your dead end job to tourner a case carrots for 4 hours into perfect 7 sided footballs before getting behind a hot stove for 12 hours and be grateful to be paid peanuts.

I know that with interweb deux everyone can create their own content but that doesn't mean you should. Let's show some fucking restraint folks. You're getting in my way of finding porn and we all know that's what the interweb is really for.